I have come to the conclusion that one day …when I have kids, I truly hope the maternal side comes out.
I got a call today from someone that I totally respect and actually have a huge heart for, there is just something about this person that makes me nervous though. I realized why I have a love for this person yet find myself completely anxious all at once. This person is so maternal and everytime I catch her being maternal, I realize that I desire that quality for myself. I am sure that having kids are going to be a huge help in doing this but I cant really say I came from that. I think one of the easiest ways to be gentle and maternal is to come from it. I get so frustrated that I dont come from that…it seems to be creeping out lately. I am so used to abruptness, lack of encouragement or negativity that I find myself being too hard on myself. Then I hear this person speak, there is something so gentle and maternal about their ways…and sadly, I get embarassed that its just that obvious that I dont come from that…in fact, I still yearn for that.
I think, well if I didnt get it then, that I need to vow to give it to my own kids one day. Hopefully I will never be caught saying horrible things to them and definitely hope I throw out the tough love mentality…..cause I am now 28 and it still is evident that after hearing a maternal tone- I still long for it.
Whats done is done. I hope my past turns into fruits in the future.
Thank you God for allowing me to be exposed to mothers…its just a good reminder that one day I will get to end the pattern and be that maternal person.
